When you have multiple children, you do your best to ensure that each child is treated as fairly as possible. If one kid gets a cold, the other does. When an argument over a toy breaks out, you offer to break it in half so each can play with it if they can't resolve their differences. It's just part of parenting and you do what you can. But life isn't always fair, which we all know and share with our children on a frequent basis (right? Am I alone in that?). For instance, it was brought to my attention that I neglect to throw birthday parties for my younger daughter, yet never fail to throw a big one for the older kiddo. Apparently this realization has taken my husband on a severe guilt trip and he now insists we throw a party for our youngest's birthday that is in less than two weeks. To that I say, "No way, Jose!" And the reason being is simple: She doesn't care if she has a party or not, so why should I? "Because it's fair," says her guilt stricken father. "We need to do this for her. She will hate us later." To that I say, "She's going to hate us either way; she'll be a teenage girl, remember?"
The truth is, and I do say this with embarrassment and shame, I often forget my younger kiddo's birthday because it falls so close to Thanksgiving. As soon as Halloween is over I run full speed into the holiday season: Planning menus, crafts, activities, and shopping trips begin to take over my existence. I am mentally creating Christmas lists, debating which cookies and pies to bake, and whether or not I should buy a new gravy boat. You can see why my daughter's birthday tends to slip away from me. If only her special day didn't fall during the holiday season, a fact I wish I had thought of during her unplanned conception.
The other truth is that she really doesn't care about having a birthday party in the same way her older sister does. Mention the word birthday around my oldest and she becomes a different person. Her eyes get huge, she breathes rapidly, and she begins shouting out orders like a general in the Army. "I want a flower cake with chocolate frosting and purple flowers! I want another princess party! I want to wear my Sleeping Beauty gown and eat cake on Snow White plates with Cinderella balloons tied to my chair! When is my birthday? How many days away? When when WHEN?" She's addicted to birthdays and there is no twelve step program that can cure her. If I even dared to deny her a birthday party, I fear that she would vomit pea soup as her head spun around her shoulders and a demon voice yells, "Give me a party!"
When I mention to my soon-to-be-preschooler that her birthday is approaching, she merely looks at me blankly. Holding up four fingers, she asks, "Will I be fwee?" Gently, I push down the extra finger and tell her yes, she will be fwee. "Do you want a party?" I ask, hoping against hope she says no. Beside her, Big Sister begins to morph into Princess Party Planner mode with heavy breathing. I silence her with a look but her eyes grow big and I can almost see the princess decorations flying around her head. My little one shrugs and doesn't answer. Score! I've asked several times and each time the response is indifference. If she's not going to fight for her right to party, should I go to the trouble of having one?
In the end, I decided to meet my husband halfway. He still wanted to throw a big a party (that he had no intention of helping to plan) but that was simply not happening. Instead, I planned an outing with two of her friends and big sister that should make everyone happy: Disney On Ice. Princesses on ice skates - it's every little girl's dream! Is she excited about? Eh, not really, but at least when she's a teen and points her finger accusingly at us and screams, "You never threw me a birthday party!" I can fall back on this. Mental note... bring camera for token photo.
~Michele